Some of the emotions and thoughts we’ve been having in all of this process has turned out to be not so isolated to just adoption. After talking candidly about some of my anxieties and concerns regarding the specifics of adoption with other top-notch parents, turns out that nearly all of them have been tit-for-tat with those of natural and biological parents’ concerns.
In all his wisdom, my co-worker Jamie (and might I say with superb influence from his lovely wife, Jen) gave me some true insight into how parent’s of every given form feel the same things I am feeling.
I’m not with this growing baby every day, you know, attached. I feel so disconnected! Jamie told me this is how most dad’s feel. They watch their wives grow and the dad’s take every opportunity to rub that baby bump and talk to it, but really, there is a disconnect of some sorts for them. And, I can only thank God for my authentic and truthful relationships here, but other mothers have also said that it isn’t even the day of their baby’s birth that they really get that “wow, this is my child…the one I carried!”
I have no control over things. I can’t say what’s going to happen at the hospital, after the birth, or if something goes wrong. Those things are not our decisions until we leave with baby. Jamie reminded me that we’re never really in control to begin with. Even when we are home with baby and can make decisions as the authority, ultimately it’s God’s authority we are called to submit to; a parent’s prayer should always be that our choices are guided by His will.
If there were something to be worried over regarding the way EM is currently caring for the baby while pregnant, and let it be known there’s not, I still have to TRUST that for each moment, baby is doing well and EM is the absolute best home for baby for the time being. Trust…always more easily said than actually done. Then that silent voice said, “hold on, she’s trusting you for FOREVER!” Okay Lord, 10-4. I heard you and I’m so glad you know how to get a hold of me.
I could expound on my thoughts more, but let me just say that I’ve been given such comfort in the words of the godly men and women God has intentionally encircled us with. We are so thankful for the richness in these relationships (and I don’t mean monetarily, something deeper still) and the authenticity you each provide. And as Jamie so wisely stated, in regards to how we’ve been arriving to each decision and whether we feel it’s been ours to make or not, “it’s all just training.“